Leaving.

I can’t believe this. I’m sitting at my desk staring at my suitcase and wondering how I’m going to fit everything into two pieces of luggage for my trip back to the states. Five months ago, I was sitting in my room in Indiana pondering the same thing, except I had no idea what I was in for. This time, I know exactly where I’m going, and I know exactly what I’m coming back to. And this time, there are tears.

I don’t want to leave. I really do not want to leave London. I have fallen in love with this city, and it hurts me to think of not being in it. I miss my family dearly, and I cannot wait to see my friends. I’m excited for the dollar and my grandma’s Mexican food. I’m ready to snuggle my puppy and drive a car. But really, I just want to stay here.

I’m going to miss the waiters calling me love when I order. I’m going to miss the Underground announcers telling me to “mind the gap.” I’m going to miss burning the roof of my mouth at Nando’s, shopping at Primark and being seconds away from something royal. I’m going to miss minding the doors and feeling like a boss with my Oyster Card. I’m going to miss the polite people who apologize when I bump into them. I’m going to miss the concert opportunities and movie premieres. I’m going to miss the TV tapings and ease of travel between countries. I’m going to miss the accents. I’m going to miss reading the Evening Standard. I’m going to miss the well-dressed people, especially the dapper looking business men. I’m going to miss the European hairstyle the guys have. I’m going to miss the Underground. I’m going to miss take away, lifts, loos, zebra crossings, topping up and tapping out. I’m going to miss the Royal Parks. I’m going to miss the free museums. I’m going to miss the wonder and excitement and chaos. I’m going to miss the learning environment. I’m going to miss my flatmates. I’m going to miss my Cadbury and Haribo candies. I’m going to miss the politics and CCTV making me feel safe. I’m going to miss the fact that not a day goes by with nothing to do.

London became my home a few months ago, and I feel like I’m leaving the best thing that ever happened to me. Everywhere I go, the first words out of my mouth are “I’m going to miss this.”

I know I’ll come back one day. My life won’t be complete until I do. I can honestly say I want to live here, no questions asked. But that’s the thing. There is nothing more frustrating than being close to everything you’ve ever dreamt about and having to leave it behind. It’s the part in Serendipity when John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale are in the same hotel going to the same floor when a stupid kid enters the scene and ruins everything. I’m John and Kate meeting, and the world is the stupid kid. 

So maybe that’s not the best analogy, but still, you understand me.

I guess I should finish my packing. I guess I should prepare for Saturday’s departure, but you know what? I’m going to reread my London adventures. I made thousands of memories and tried plenty of new things. These past five months were only a taste of what’s to come. I’m ready for my life’s adventures……I just need to get past the next two years first. And a lot can happen in the next two years.

Here’s to nothing and everything.

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